WELLNESS THEORY

Ask 100 people what “wellness” is and you’ll get 100 different answers. Bottom line: It’s doing what you need to do to be emotionally happy and optimistic, mentally challenged and sharp, physically healthy, spiritually content, fulfilled in your job and relationships, and comfortable in your environment. One small change – positive or negative — in any one of these areas affects all the others. So it’s important to be positive because nobody wants an avalanche of negative. Counseling can help you change the way you think and respond to situations, help reduce addictions and relieve anxiety and depression.

Take optimism, for example. When you see the glass as half full, life tends to be a little less overwhelming. That’s because when you have a problem, you know you’re already halfway to the solution. With that attitude, you feel energized and hopeful that you can do almost anything. Positive energy attracts positive people, who give you more energy and can lighten the load even more. As your stress levels are reduced, your health and happiness improve.

Don’t discount how important energy is to your wellbeing – and, remember, you only have so much of it. You can choose to use it wisely or to fritter it away on wasted time, worry, regret and resentment. Once it’s used up, something has to give — usually your immune system or your patience.

Think about the last time you were burning the candle at both ends—working a full time job, trying to keep up a house, be a good spouse and chasing your kids and pets around. Were you pleasant to be around, or did you lack the energy to be patient and forgiving? Were you well rested and feeling healthy, or sick and tired of being sick ad tired? Did have time to attend to good personal habits, or did you use spray deodorant instead of shower, dress in those not-too-dirty clothes from the laundry hamper and eat leftover pizza for breakfast on the way to work?

Personal Strategy
So what does that all mean to you?
It means you’re responsible for/in control of your own destiny. You’re the only one who can prioritize your life, so it’s your responsibility to figure out what you need to be happy and what you need to do to make that happen. …

Just because something works for your partner/significant other or neighbor doesn’t mean it will work for you. Some people would rather die than exercise. Others would rather do anything than go to counseling and talk about the “F” word (Feelings). You have the ability to choose the solution you are most comfortable with. As you start to have less “stress” in one area, everything else will start to improve.

It also means that your energy is precious. Use it wisely and life will seem effortless; waste it and you’ll spend each day swimming up stream. If you have read this far, you believe that you have room to improve, so choose one or two of the suggestions below and see what happens.

Emotionally: Do one thing every day that makes you truly happy. A good belly laugh does wonders. Play with your kids. Get a comedy video. Watch the birds and squirrels in your yard.

Mentally: Try being more optimistic in the way you interpret things. If it’s raining, don’t focus on it being a gloomy day. Think about the good things: It’s cooler it is because of the clouds, or you don’t have to water your lawn today! Find something that challenges your mind or your creativity such as crosswords, puzzles, restoring an old car or redecorating a room in your house.

Physically: Go outside for 20 minutes each day to breathe the fresh air and get sunshine. Go on a 10-minute walk. Let yourself go to bed whenever you get tired for a week.

Socially: Make a list of people you enjoy. Call one of them each day. Send an e-card for no reason, or just take stock of how many wonderful people you have in your life.

Spiritually: Engage in random acts of kindness (See Resources below)

Environmentally: Clean up. You don’t have to be June Cleaver, but a tidy house or work space can make you more productive and generally happier. Get Feng Shui for Dummies and try out a few of its suggestions. Put flowers on your table to brighten up a room. Get some cookie dough from the store and bake your way into a sweet smelling house and very happy children.

Each week pick one area of wellness and experience how small (relatively painless) changes can help you feel happier and healthier in every aspect of your life.

Resources
Seven Habits of Highly Effective People series by Stephen R. Covey
Please Understand Me by David Keirsey
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff series and website by Richard Carlson Ph.D.
The Book of Lists series by Sandra Choron
Books by SARK http://www.campsark.com

http://www.actsofkindness.org/

Stress

My father used to have a coffee cup that read–and you see I have paraphrased :) : “STRESS is the condition resulting when the mind overrides the body’s overwhemling deisre to choke the living crap out of some poopoo head who desperately needs it”

Yes, this is the most common definition of stress. Let’s take a look at the problem.
75-90% of visits to primary care physicians are due to stress related problems
85% of adults report “high levels of stress” more than 2 times per week
Stress levels have risen dramatically in children and the elderly
1 million employees are absent on any give day due to stress related problems, according to the National Safety Council.
Job stress costs American industry $200-$300 Billion dollars each year.
60%-80% of on-the-job accidents are stress related.

Stress does not only include anxiety and mental stress, but also physical stress due to poor working conditions, shift work, excessively long shifts and inadequate time-off. Mental sources of stress include the obvious job stressors, but also “secondary stressors” caused by work at home. For example, my husband is a cop. His department often will transfer him to a different shift or change the times of his shift with little notice and for no apparent reason. Since both of our children are young, and I really like structure, this causes a lot of chaos and stress. Childcare becomes a crisis and our routines get disrupted which impacts our sleep, our interactions and our attitudes.

So what do we do about it?
Prioritize. Figure out what is really important. There are not enough hours in a day. What absolutely has to be done. What can wait?

Ask yourself, will this really matter 6 months from now?

Figure out what things you have control over and change those. For all the rest of the stuff, let it go. There is nothing you can do about it and getting all worked up just takes years off your life.

Get plenty of rest. When you are tired, molehills seem like mountains.

Avoid too much sugar or caffeine.

Irrational Thoughts

All too often we cause our misery by making mountains out of molehills.

1.Mistakes are never acceptable. If I make one, it means that I am incompetent. This is overly generalized. Would you expect your best friend or your child nto never make mistakes? When they do, do you think they are incompetent? People make mistakes. Next time you make a mistake. Remind yourself that you are only human. A mistake does not mean anything negative about you, it means…you goofed. Try to find somthing to learn from it, like how you can avoid making that mistake again. Remind yourself how many other things you are competent at.

2.When somebody disagrees with me, it is a personal attack against me. Okay, sometimes this is true, especially on the internet. Nevertheless, WHY are they attacking you? Most often people lash out at others because they feel insecure. The other possibility is that you are at least partly wrong (See above). Be open to other people’s point of view. You do not necessarily have to agree. When you disagree with someone, are you personally attacking them? My guess is no. So why do you think they are attacking you?

3.To be content in life, I must be liked by all people.
Not everyone is going to like you. Get over it. If you like yourself, then it really does not matter if other people like and validate you. Many people will not like you because they are insecure or they have “stuff.” Are you really going to let their “stuff” bring you down. Take a personal inventory. Are you a good and nice person? Do people have a legitimate reason not to like you? If so, then do something about it. If you require other people to tell you you are okay, then you need to work on liking you. Take a personal inventory of all of your strengths and good qualities. Keep a journal of good things you do each day. When you start feeling bad, review your journal. Be as creative as you would like.

4.My true value as an individual depends on what others think of me. (See 3 above)

5.If I am not involved in an intimate relationship, I am completely alone.
There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. Even when you are not in an intimate realtionship, you are not alone. Make a list of your friends and family who love you. People who cannot stand to be out of an intimate relationship do not like to spend time with themselves. They do not like themselves. Make a list of all of the qualities you look for in an intimate relationship. See how many of those needs you can provide for yourself or get met with your friends and family.

6.There is no grey area. Success is black and failure is white.
See 1 above. We all make mistakes and rarely do we succeed perfectly at something. I remember having recitals and giving speeches in which I goofed up. My teachers always told me that if I kept going, nobody would probably notice. They were right. The speech or recital or whatever was still a success, even if I was not perfect. Part of success too is knowing your limitations. Successful people know when they need to ask for help, or simply say “I don’t know.”

7.Nothing ever turns out the way you want it to.
Well, that is a defeatest attitude. List 5 things that have turned out the way you wanted. List 5 more that have not turned out how you expected, but it turned out okay. We do not always get our way, but if we focus on what we do not have or did not get, we will always be miserable. What do you have? What positive came out of it.

8.If the outcome was not perfect, it was a complete failure. (See 1 and 6 above.)

9.I am in absolute control of my life. If something bad happens, it is my fault.
You cannot control the weather. You cannot control other people. All you can control is how you react and what you do. Bad things happen to good people. The question is, do you let it destroy you, or do you figure out how to deal with it and move on. Take responsibility only for the things that you do have control over.

10.The past always repeats itself. If it was true then, it must be true now.
The definition of insanity is doing what you have always done and expecting different results. You have the ability to change how you deal with things now. Similar situations will arise. Use your past knowledge to help you deal with them better.

Fitness Video

Life Coaching: An End Run around Counseling Practice Acts

Change causes crisis and crisis causes change; nevertheless, too many people are capitalizing on the current state of —well everything, and providing mental health treatment without a license. This article is of particular interest to anyone who has been injured by seeing a “life coach” or someone providing coaching or counseling services without a license.

Let’s start at the beginning. In order to do anything you have to be motivated. Likewise, to be motivated to spend money on something (especially these days) people have to have a pretty pressing reason. This often means they have a “problem” that is causing them emotional distress. Due to long wait times for first appointments and/or stigma associated with counseling, some people seek out coaches. Unfortunately, they do not realize that coaches are not licensed nor regulated. Most states have licensing boards that regulate counseling. There is a reason for this. The activities in which counselors engage have the ability to substantially help people, but can also substantially hurt people. If you have a problem with a life coach, there is no recourse unless you can show that he or she was knowingly providing services/treatment for a mental disorder such as depression, anxiety, or an eating disorder.

Coaches are not supposed to diagnose or treat mental disorders, but many of them do. Although there are certifications people can get in anywhere from 48 hours to six months, it is not necessary to be certified to hang out your shingle as a coach. Counselors, on the other hand, have to have a master’s degree in counseling or psychology, including 750 hours of practicum and internship experiences, followed by 3000 hours of post-masters supervised experience before they can even apply for licensure.

Currently there is very little interest on the part of law enforcement to pursue coaches who are treating whomever they want for whatever disorder as long as they do not use the words “counseling,” “diagnosis” or “treatment,” (even if that is exactly what they are doing). Unfortunately, inappropriate treatment can result in people becoming worse, or becoming jaded about the whole counseling experience.

Let’s take a look at some dangerous case examples:
Example 1:
“Susan”
Seven years ago “Susan” was raped. Over the next few years, despite being on a regimen of antidepressants and therapy, her PTSD led her into a deep depression. She began to rely on food and alcohol to stop the involuntary flashbacks, quell the anxiety and help her sleep. She was arrested for DUI and flunked out of graduate school. One day, the company she worked for hired a life coach and had him work with each employee. The life coach heard Susan’s story and, instead of identifying that she had a serious mental health problem and a family history of suicide, he minimized the trauma and told her, “You already had your power taken once. Why are you still letting them take your power away? What would happen if you just let it go?”
This made “Susan” feel like the flashbacks and depression were somehow her fault and she should be able to stop them. She knew that if she could, she would have by now. She rapidly spiraled into crisis and came to the conclusion that “they” would always have power over her and she would never be able to escape. She was admitted to the crisis stabilization unit after trying to commit suicide.

Example 2:
“Heather”
Heather seemed to be a pretty “together” sort of person. She had been in and out of counseling for depression and an eating disorder for years, but it never seemed to work. She decided to try a life coach. After all, she was already good at dieting and exercise, a life coach could help her reach her goals even better. She met with her coach a couple of times and felt like they could work together. One day, a few weeks into their relationship, Heather was feeling “fat” and depressed so her coach decided to do an exercise. She took Heather to the mall and pointed out random women and asked her if they were more or less lovable and valuable based on their weight. What Heather’s coach did not realize is that people with eating disorders equate being overweight with laziness, stupidity, ugliness and depression. Further, control is a driving factor in eating disorders and Heather did view the thinnest women to be more lovable and worthy…thus it intensified her drive to lose more weight to be like them.

“Heather” realized after the exercise that her coach just didn’t get it. She could not see how awful it is to live as a fat person. Heather dropped out of coaching and increased her purging to more than 15 times per day. This continued for three years until she was admitted to the hospital at 87 pounds.

Example 3:
“Joan”
Joan came from an average family, but it was always suspected that her father had an alcohol problem and her mother was a bit depressed. Joan had experienced bouts of depression in the past, but currently only had mild depressive symptoms. She sought the assistance of a life coach for her overeating. The life coach had Joan keep a food diary and they worked out a menu and eating schedule. Each week Joan tried desperately to stick to the plan. She enlisted the help of a weightloss buddy and even went as far as putting a padlock on the snack cabinet. Nothing worked. She was becoming progressively frustrated and depressed. Her coach finally confronted her and said, “Each week we work together to develop your action plan, but you never follow through. It seems to me that you really don’t want to change.”
Whether this was intended to be reverse psychology or the coach actually was that insensitive, I do not know. Nevertheless, Joan dropped out of coaching and, feeling like a failure, drank herself into a stupor. Six months later she was admitted for substance abuse treatment where she also began to address how she used food to cope with her anxiety and depression and rebuild her shattered self esteem.

My goal is not to deprive people of an honest living, but to emphasize the need for coaches to have training in screening for psychological and behavioral problems and ethical guidelines for working with these persons. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, nearly 10% of people will experience clinical levels of depression in their lives and 5-8% will have a diagnosable anxiety disorder. That means it is possible that as many as one in five people will experience a mental health issue at some point in their lives. Many of these people are currently seeing a therapist, in which case treatment between the coach and therapist needs to be coordinated to avoid contraindications. Still some people have not had success with therapists, and continue to present with a diagnosable disorder. They need to be referred to a therapist in lieu of or in addition to coaching, because they are still at high risk for being psychologically injured by a well-intentioned coach who does not understand the biopsychosocial foundations of depression, anxiety, addiction and the like. If traditional talk therapy has not worked, coaches might refer the client to a therapist that specializes in brief motivational therapy.

Example 4:
“Rachel”
Rachel had just gotten out of a bad marriage and was feeling depressed. She decided she needed to see a life coach to help her get back on track. She researched coaches in her area and found “Tom.” When she first met him she was impressed with how successful he appeared to be at such a young age. He was charming and seemed to be able to achieve anything he set out to do. Rachel wanted to be like that too. She began sessions with him. Rachel was making progress. After a few months, she finally got up the nerve to ask Tom out. He accepted. They began a sexual relationship. When Tom ended the relationship, Rachel was devastated. She felt like he had built her up to ask him out and then used her.

It has been shown that by creating “a safe space and supportive relationship for personal growth, discovery and transformation,” a power dynamic evolves between client and counselor. Therapists are ethically and legally prohibited from having sex with clients or forming “dual relationships.” Clients who engage in sexual relationships with their therapist often report symptoms similar to Rape Trauma Stress and impaired future relationships. Nevertheless, the first core function of coaching is to create” a safe space and supportive relationship for personal growth, discovery and transformation,” yet there are no enforceable ethical or legal guidelines for coaches regarding sex with their clients.

Example 5:
“John”
John was recently separated from his wife and was trying to lose some weight and get back into shape. He enlisted the help of “James” who was a life coach and personal trainer. During their sessions, James created a safe space and supportive relationship for personal growth, discovery and transformation. John confided in James about how, as his marriage fell apart, he became progressively lonely and ended up having an affair. John reported that he was terrified that his wife would find out and the stress of waiting for the divorce hearing was making it hard for him to stick to his action plan.

Unfortunately for John, his wife found out he was seeing a coach. Since coaches are not protected by confidentiality or privilege, James was subpoenaed to testify against John. John felt very manipulated and betrayed and declared he learned his lesson about trying to get help.

Scope of Problem:
Unfortunately, because coaches are unlicensed and unregulated there is currently no way to know how many inappropriate clients are being injured by coaches. Counselors have procedures in place where malpractice in tracked and investigated by their state board. Coaches have no state regulation. Suicides of mental health counselors and psychologists are often “staffed” and investigated within the mental health agency and by the agency’s accrediting body (JCAHO, CARF etc.). Coaches have no such mechanism to improve and prevent the repeat of costly mistakes.

What needs to happen?
1. Coaches need to be trained in screening for mental health disorders and required to refer clients for further assessment if they exhibit symptoms of an emotional, mental or behavioral problem.
2. Coaches need to have a code of ethics that addresses:
a. Working with people with mental, emotional or behavioral issues
b. Forming dual relationships with clients
c. Clearly articulating their ability to maintain confidentiality
3. Coaches need to be held accountable when they work with and injure clients because they disregarded signs that a client had an emotional, mental or behavioral issue.

Complicated Grief

Losing a loved one is one of the most distressing things that most people face. That experience is complicated when the death is sudden, unexpected or “out of order” such as a child dying before a parent. During normal grief and bereavement people go through a set of phases: denial, anger/frustration, bargaining, and depression followed by a gradual fading of these feelings as they accept the loss and move forward. For some people, though, this normal grief reaction becomes much more complicated, painful and debilitating, or complicated. In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that the person has trouble accepting the death and resuming their own life. Some estimates suggest that as few as 6 percent or as many as 20 percent of bereaved people develop complicated grief.

It is important to note that, during the first few months after a loss, many signs and symptoms of normal grief are the same as those of complicated grief. However, while normal grief symptoms gradually start to fade within six months or so, those of complicated grief get worse or linger for months or even years. Symptoms of complicated grief can include:

    Constant focus on the loss and reminders of the loved one
    Intense longing or pining for the deceased
    Problems accepting the death
    Numbness or detachment
    Bitterness about the loss
    Depression or deep sadness
    Difficulty moving on with life and carrying out normal routines
    Withdrawing from social activities
    Feeling that life holds no meaning or purpose
    Irritability or agitation
    Lack of trust in others

Exactly why two people can go through the same situation and one develops complicated grief while the other does not is not clearly known. We believe that the following risk factors make a person more prone to developing severe symptoms:

    Current or prior history of depression, PTSD or substance abuse
    Lack of a support system or friendships
    Number and degree of stressors in the 6 months prior to the loss
    A sense of responsibility for the death
    An unexpected or violent death
    Suicide of a loved one
    Close or dependent relationship to the deceased person
    Being unprepared for the death
    In the case of a child’s death, the number of remaining children
    Lack of resilience or adaptability to life changes

Additionally, people who experience complicated grief often lack continued support after a few months. Friends and family tell them to “get over it,” or “move on.” If they could they would. In treatment we often find that people with complicated grief symptoms feel an extreme lack of control over everything. They benefit from a combination of narrative and cognitive behavioral therapy to help them make sense of their life and the world again.

Welcome

Welcome to the Dr-Is-In redesigned site

Welcome to the new Dr-Is-In

Welcome to the new Dr-Is-In. We hope this new design will allow you to more easily find what you are looking for.