Irrational Thoughts

All too often we cause our misery by making mountains out of molehills.

1.Mistakes are never acceptable. If I make one, it means that I am incompetent. This is overly generalized. Would you expect your best friend or your child nto never make mistakes? When they do, do you think they are incompetent? People make mistakes. Next time you make a mistake. Remind yourself that you are only human. A mistake does not mean anything negative about you, it means…you goofed. Try to find somthing to learn from it, like how you can avoid making that mistake again. Remind yourself how many other things you are competent at.

2.When somebody disagrees with me, it is a personal attack against me. Okay, sometimes this is true, especially on the internet. Nevertheless, WHY are they attacking you? Most often people lash out at others because they feel insecure. The other possibility is that you are at least partly wrong (See above). Be open to other people’s point of view. You do not necessarily have to agree. When you disagree with someone, are you personally attacking them? My guess is no. So why do you think they are attacking you?

3.To be content in life, I must be liked by all people.
Not everyone is going to like you. Get over it. If you like yourself, then it really does not matter if other people like and validate you. Many people will not like you because they are insecure or they have “stuff.” Are you really going to let their “stuff” bring you down. Take a personal inventory. Are you a good and nice person? Do people have a legitimate reason not to like you? If so, then do something about it. If you require other people to tell you you are okay, then you need to work on liking you. Take a personal inventory of all of your strengths and good qualities. Keep a journal of good things you do each day. When you start feeling bad, review your journal. Be as creative as you would like.

4.My true value as an individual depends on what others think of me. (See 3 above)

5.If I am not involved in an intimate relationship, I am completely alone.
There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. Even when you are not in an intimate realtionship, you are not alone. Make a list of your friends and family who love you. People who cannot stand to be out of an intimate relationship do not like to spend time with themselves. They do not like themselves. Make a list of all of the qualities you look for in an intimate relationship. See how many of those needs you can provide for yourself or get met with your friends and family.

6.There is no grey area. Success is black and failure is white.
See 1 above. We all make mistakes and rarely do we succeed perfectly at something. I remember having recitals and giving speeches in which I goofed up. My teachers always told me that if I kept going, nobody would probably notice. They were right. The speech or recital or whatever was still a success, even if I was not perfect. Part of success too is knowing your limitations. Successful people know when they need to ask for help, or simply say “I don’t know.”

7.Nothing ever turns out the way you want it to.
Well, that is a defeatest attitude. List 5 things that have turned out the way you wanted. List 5 more that have not turned out how you expected, but it turned out okay. We do not always get our way, but if we focus on what we do not have or did not get, we will always be miserable. What do you have? What positive came out of it.

8.If the outcome was not perfect, it was a complete failure. (See 1 and 6 above.)

9.I am in absolute control of my life. If something bad happens, it is my fault.
You cannot control the weather. You cannot control other people. All you can control is how you react and what you do. Bad things happen to good people. The question is, do you let it destroy you, or do you figure out how to deal with it and move on. Take responsibility only for the things that you do have control over.

10.The past always repeats itself. If it was true then, it must be true now.
The definition of insanity is doing what you have always done and expecting different results. You have the ability to change how you deal with things now. Similar situations will arise. Use your past knowledge to help you deal with them better.

Bipolar and Depression Treatment NBCC #6261, NAADAC #599

Review of NBCC approved course on treatment of bipolar and depression. 

Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention

TIP 42: Substance Abuse Treatment and Co-Occurring Disorders

SAMHSA Treatment Improvement Protocol 42

TIP 35 Motivational Interviewing

Counselor Continuing Education (CEUs): Depression

With the myriad of information on the web about addictions, anxiety, depression and co-occurring disorders, it can be difficult for counselors and nurses to find effective, reliable information for professional development and to provide to their patients. Both of these activities are vital in agencies that are CARF or JCAHO accredited. Treatment methods, programs and handouts must continually be monitored to ensure the health and safety of the persons served, ensure they incorporate input from the persons served and other stakeholders, support individual-centered/client-centered/person-centered planning, design, and delivery of services, and respect the rights of the persons served by leading to the provision of accessible, quality and appropriate services which maintain a high continuity of care. Additionally, implementation of any treatment protocols or policy changes need to be monitored through outcomes management and performance improvement through infrastructure management including training and professional development. The following links are provided for mental health, addictions and rehabilitation counselors to use for professional development, getting CEUs and creating patient information handouts. Many of the articles also provide useful information to people in addictions counselor training programs and those who are already certified addictions counselors.

  • NIMH Depression Overview and Handouts
  • National Alliance of the Mentally Ill (NAMI) Information
  • Depression in the Elderly
  • Depression in Children
  • Mental Health Best Practice Resource Guide
  • Available CEUs approved by the National Board for Certified Counselors (NBCC), Florida Board of Social Work, Mental Health Counselors and Marriage and Family Therapists, Florida Board of Nursing and the National Association for Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselors (NAADAC), also accepted by the Commission for the Accreditation of Rehabilitation Counselors and the Florida Certification Board for Certified Addictions Professionals (CAP).

  • Bipolar and Depression CEUs based on APA 2006 Guidelines
  • Suicide and Depression: Recognition and Treatment
  • Crisis Intervention
  • Counseling Patients with Cancer

    Each year millions of Americans are diagnosed with cancer. Nearly 500,000 of those will be diagnosed with breast or prostate cancer. Many of our patients will have, or have had cancer. It is important to understand the range of emotions, causes of distress and interventions available to help them.

    There are many things that affect how a patient adjusts to cancer. It is difficult to predict how a person will cope. The following factors influence how a patient adjusts to cancer: The type of cancer, cancer stage, and chance of recovery.
    The phase of cancer such as newly diagnosed, being treated, in remission, or recurrent cancer.
    Individual coping abilities.
    Friends and family available to support the patient.
    The patient’s age.
    The availability of treatment.
    Beliefs about the cause of cancer.

    Adjusting to a diagnosis of cancer is an ongoing process in which the patient learns to cope with emotional distress, solve cancer-related problems, and gain control over cancer-related life events. To add to the stress, patients are faced with many challenges that change as the disease and its treatment change. There are, however, certain predictable times when a patient is more likely to experience significant crisis. These include hearing the diagnosis, receiving treatment, completing treatment, hearing that the cancer is in remission, hearing that the cancer has come back, and becoming a cancer survivor. Each of these events involves specific coping tasks, questions about life and death, and common emotional challenges.

    Patients are better able to adjust to a cancer diagnosis if they are able to continue fulfilling normal responsibilities, cope with emotional distress, and stay actively involved in activities that are meaningful and important to them. In counseling, patients can learn to develop coping strategies to change problem situations, manage emotional distress, and understand what impact cancer may have on his or her life. Patients who adjust well are usually committed to recovery and actively involved in coping with cancer.

    Distress can occur when a person feels that he or she does not have the resources to manage or control the cancer. Patients who have the same diagnosis and are undergoing the same treatment may have very different experiences and ways of expressing distress. Anxiety and depression are common among patients with cancer. It is important, however, to ferret out whether the anxiety and depression are solely emotionally based or are caused/made worse by insomnia, fatigue, pain or side effects of medication.

    Anxiety
    Anxiety is a normal reaction to cancer and may increase feelings of pain, interfere with one’s ability to sleep, cause nausea, and interfere with the patient’s (and his or her family’s) quality of life. Persons with cancer will find that their feelings of anxiety increase or decrease at different times. Contrary to what one might expect, patients with advanced cancer experience anxiety due not to fear of death, but more often from fear of uncontrolled pain, being left alone, or dependency on others. Many of these factors can be alleviated with treatment. Helping patients identify their own cycles and plan for those times is a useful activity in therapy.

    Patients may benefit from other treatment options for anxiety, including: psychotherapy, group therapy, family therapy, participating in self-help groups, hypnosis, and relaxation techniques such as guided imagery, or biofeedback. Medications may be used alone or in combination with these techniques. It is important not to avoid anxiety-relieving medications for fear of becoming addicted. A side benefit of many of the antianxiety medications is that they cause muscle relaxation which can often ease some of the aches and pains patients are experiencing.

    Depression
    While some patients become anxious, others become depressed, and even others are both anxious and depressed. Depression affects about 15% to 25% of cancer patients. Affecting men and women with cancer equally. People with cancer will experience different levels of distress. Issues which may contribute to depression in cancer patients include:
    Fear of death.
    Interruption of life plans.
    Changes in body image and self-esteem.
    Changes in social role and lifestyle.
    Money and legal concerns
    Guilt at not being around for their children
    Regret for delaying diagnosis
    Survivor guilt (If the patient survives and his/her friend does not)

    People diagnosed with cancer will react to these issues in different ways and may not experience serious distress. It is also important to remember that patients and their family members or caregivers need to be evaluated for depression throughout their treatment. Children are also affected when a parent with cancer develops depression, and often develop emotional and behavioral problems.

    There are many misconceptions about cancer and how people cope with it, such as the following:
    All people with cancer are depressed.
    People with cancer should be shielded from stress
    Depression in a person with cancer is normal.
    Treatment does not help the depression.
    Everyone with cancer faces suffering and a painful death.
    Depression and anxiety are always mental health issues

    Sadness and grief are normal reactions to the crises faced during cancer, and will be experienced at times by all people. Because sadness is common, it is important to distinguish between normal levels of sadness and depression. An important part of cancer care is the recognition of depression that needs to be treated. This is depression that causes a person to lose pleasure in most activities more often than not for at least two weeks and can be accompanied by sleep and appetite changes, suicidal thoughts, confusion and difficulty concentrating. Counselors with a knowledge of cancer and cancer treatment can help people deal with their depression. Specific goals of these therapies include the following:
    Assist people diagnosed with cancer and their families by answering questions about the illness and its treatment, explaining information, correcting misunderstandings, giving reassurance about the situation, and exploring with the patient how the diagnosis relates to previous experiences with cancer.
    Assist with problem solving, improve the patient’s coping skills, and help the patient and family to develop additional coping skills. Explore other areas of stress, such as family role and lifestyle changes, and encourage family members to support and share concern with each other.
    Ensure that the patient and family understand that support will continue when the focus of treatment changes from trying to cure the cancer to relieving symptoms. The health care team will treat symptoms to help the patient control pain and remain comfortable, and will help the patient and his or her family members maintain dignity.

    When the depression or anxiety is being made worse by symptoms or medication, the counselor can advocate for the client, help the client communicate with his/her physician and educate the client about possible interventions.

    Fatigue
    Fatigue occurs in 14% to 96% of people with cancer, and has physical, psychological, and behavioral causes. People with cancer may describe it in different ways, such as saying they feel tired, sluggish, weak, exhausted, weary, worn-out, heavy, or slow. To be treated effectively, fatigue related to cancer and cancer treatment needs to be distinguished from other kinds of fatigue.

    Fatigue can become a very important issue in the life of a person with cancer. It may affect the person’s self-esteem, his or her daily activities and relationships with others, and whether he or she continues treatment. Some of these treatments may include adjusting the dosages of pain medications, administering red blood cell transfusions or blood cell growth factors, diet supplementation with iron and vitamins, use of antidepressants or stimulants, exercise, and helping the patient identify a reasonable schedule so as not to tire too quickly.

    Since fatigue is the most common symptom in people receiving outpatient chemotherapy, patients should learn ways to manage the fatigue. According to the American Cancer Society, patients should be taught the following:
    The difference between fatigue and depression
    Possible medical causes of fatigue (dehydration, electrolyte imbalance, breathing problems, anemia)
    To observe their rest and activity patterns during the day and over time
    To engage in attention-restoring activities (walking, gardening, bird-watching)
    To recognize fatigue that is a side effect of certain therapies and medications
    To participate in exercise programs that are realistic
    To identify activities which cause fatigue and develop ways to avoid or modify those activities
    To identify environmental or activity changes that may help decrease fatigue
    The importance of eating enough food and drinking enough fluids
    Respiratory therapy may help with breathing problems
    To schedule important daily activities during times of less fatigue, and cancel unimportant activities that cause stress
    To avoid or change a situation that causes stress
    To observe whether treatments being used to help fatigue are working

    Pain Management
    Pain is another major cause of insomnia, anxiety and depression. Counselors can work with physicians and patients to create a comprehensive pain management plan.

    Physical Interventions include:
    Muscle/bone pain may be treated with heat (a hot pack or heating pad); cold (flexible ice packs); massage, pressure, and vibration (to improve relaxation); exercise (to strengthen weak muscles, loosen stiff joints, help restore coordination and balance, and strengthen the heart); changing the position of the patient; restricting the movement of painful areas or broken bones; stimulation; controlled low-voltage electrical stimulation; or acupuncture.

    Thinking and behavior interventions give patients a sense of control and help them develop coping skills to deal with the disease and its symptoms. Beginning these interventions early in the course of treatment is useful so that patients can learn and practice the skills while they have enough strength and energy.

    Thinking and Behavioral interventions include:
    Relaxation and imagery: Simple relaxation techniques may be used for episodes of brief pain (for example, during cancer treatment procedures).
    Hypnosis: Hypnotic techniques may be used to encourage relaxation and may be combined with other thinking/behavior methods. Hypnosis is effective in relieving pain in people who are able to concentrate and use imagery and who are willing to practice the technique regularly.
    Redirecting thinking: Focusing attention on distractors other than pain or negative emotions including counting, praying, or saying things like “I can cope,” music, television, talking, listening to someone read, or looking at something specific. Patients can also learn to monitor and evaluate negative thoughts and replace them with more positive thoughts and images.
    Support groups and religious counseling: Since depression tends to increase pain, and pain tends to increase depression, support groups help many patients. Many online support groups for patients and their families can be helpful for those patients who have restricted movement. Visit: http://www.acor.org/

    Sleep
    Finally, sleep problems can contribute to depression, anxiety and the patient’s ability to manage pain. Sleep disorders that are related to cancer may be treated by eliminating the cancer and side effects of cancer treatment. To promote rest and treat sleep disorders the following may be considered:
    Create an environment that decreases sleep interruptions and promotes sleep by:
    Lowering noise.
    Dimming or turning off lights.
    Adjusting room temperature.
    Aromatherapy
    Keeping bedding, chairs, and pillows clean, dry, and wrinkle-free.
    Using bedcovers for warmth.
    Placing pillows in a supportive position.
    Encouraging the patient to dress in loose, soft clothing.
    Encourage regular bowel and bladder habits to minimize sleep interruptions.
    Increasing consumption of fluids and fiber during the day.
    Taking medication for incontinence before bedtime.
    Eating a high-protein snack 2 hours before bedtime.
    Avoiding heavy, spicy, or sugary foods 4 to 6 hours before bedtime.
    Avoiding drinking alcohol or smoking 4 to 6 hours before bedtime.
    Avoiding drinks with caffeine within 12 hours of bedtime
    Exercising (which should be completed at least 2 hours before bedtime).
    Keeping regular sleeping hours.
    Stretching before bed
    Journaling to get closure on the day and “vent” stressors
    Setting a regular routine so your body is “cued” to get sleepy
    Massage
    Medications may also be used to help relieve sleep problems.

    As a clinician working with a cancer patient, there are many things you can do to aid him/her in leading the highest quality of life. It is important to remember that patients with cancer who are seeking counseling are often in crisis, so write down suggestions or interventions they are to try at home.

    50 Ways to De-Stress Your Life

    1. Keep your house clutter free
    2. Allow “wiggle-room” in your schedule
    3. Get a pet
    4. Maintain clear communication with house-members
    5. Get up 15 minutes earlier for extra time
    6. Lay out your clothes and book bag/brief case the night before
    7. Set 2 alarms (one on the other side of the room) and have one with a battery back-up
    8. Set one day aside to run errands etc. . .
    9. Listen to “happy music” on your way to work
    10. Get your least favorite task out of the way first
    11. Make a resolution for the day to practice acceptance
    12. Use only one credit card so you only have one bill/grand total to keep track of
    13. Enlist the help of others when possible
    14. Make an office buddy. You can give each other pick-me-ups when stress hits.
    15. Try not to gossip
    16. The more difficult someone is, the more stressed s/he is. Try and do something nice for them. It may be just what they need to get out of their funk.
    17. Bring happy pictures to work. Even if you don’t have a desk, you can keep it in your pocket.
    18. Take a time-out and go for a walk
    19. Moderate caffeine and sugar as they mimic the stress reaction
    20. Keep a humor page book marked on the internet. Go to it when you need a laugh.
    21. Wear comfortable clothes
    22. Practice affirmations and Stress Inoculation Training
    23. Find something to look forward to every hour
    24. Try to find something positive or redeeming about every task
    25. Check to make sure your life is in balance: Do you feel overwhelmed by a particular area?
    26. Do something nice for someone every day
    27. Overcome one resentment or regret to free up some energy
    28. Practice a relaxation strategy
    29. Eliminate one stressor from every area of your life
    30. When you get up, wake up with an aromatic bubble bath and your favorite morning drink
    31. Reward yourself for a job well-done at the end of each day
    32. Leave little notes with affirmations or jokes throughout your house/office: cabinets, drawers, books
    33. Express your frustration through something creative
    34. Spend the day with a child learning to appreciate what s/he appreciates: swings, clouds, merry-go-rounds, slides, scampering little ants. . .
    35. Turn off all forms of external communication for a day: pager, telephone, cell phone, answering machines (or at least turn the volume all the way down–check it tomorrow)
    36. If you died tomorrow, what would you like to spend the day doing today??? Do it (or as close as you can get)
    37. Keep a running list of everything you run out of/need at the store
    38. See about shopping from the internet.
    39. Evaluate to see if you are giving too much
    40. Contact at least 1 positive person per day
    41. Describe your perfect day: what would you do (or not do) where are you (somewhere feasible) and make it happen at least once a month
    42. Create a personal space where you can go and relax without interruption
    43. Be honest with yourself about what is stressful then modify small parts of it
    44. Volunteer for something in your profession (make it a tax write off–see your accountant for specifics)
    45. Find a social cause to work for: saving stray animals, curing disease etc. . .
    46. Cross things off your to do list for a sense of accomplishment
    47. Learn how to play just as hard as you work
    48. Don’t watch the news in the evening if it is going to stress you out
    49. Spend 10 minutes a day being silly with someone else or an animal
    50. Ask yourself, Is it worth time out of my life to get upset about this

    Bipolar Disorder

    1.2 to 1.7 percent (or approximately 2.3 million) of Americans over 18 and approximately 1% of children 14-18 (National Institutes of Health) experience bipolar disorder. Another 1% of the population experiences a condition called Cyclothymia. Cyclothymia’s manic and depressive episodes are less intense and shorter than that of full-blown Bipolar disorder and are referred to as “hypomania” and “dysthymia.” People with Cyclothymia often go untreated and are perceived as just having extreme and frequent mood swings. Think of it on a continuum:

    Bipolar/Clinical Depression—>Dysthymia—>Nonclinical Depression—>Normal—>Elated—> Hypomanic—>Manic

    Bipolar disorder often gets a bad reputation because people often lump it in with psychotic disorders like schizophrenia. The term “bipolar disorders” actually represents a cluster of mood disorders in which people alternately feel periods of “mania” and “depression” with shorter or longer periods of remission. People with Bipolar experience extremes in their mood. Their “highs” are really high and their “lows” are unbearable. A manic episode can be diagnosed when three or more of the following qualities are present at the same time:

    Manic Symptoms in Adults
    Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
    Decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)
    More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
    Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing
    Distractibility (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli)
    Increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation
    Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)

    Manic Symptoms in Children
    Severe changes in mood, either extremely irritable or overly silly and elated
    Overly-inflated self-esteem; grandiosity
    Increased energy
    Decreased need for sleep, ability to go with very little or no sleep for days without tiring
    Increased talking, talks too much, too fast; changes topics too quickly; cannot be interrupted
    Distractibility, attention moves constantly from one thing to the next
    Hypersexuality, increased sexual thoughts, feelings, or behaviors; use of explicit sexual language
    Increased goal-directed activity or physical agitation
    Disregard of risk, excessive involvement in risky behaviors or activities
    *Note: In children Bipolar Disorder, ADD/ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder are often difficult to differentiate and misdiagnosed. Make sure to tell your doctor if treatment starts making your child’s behavior worse. Many ADD/ADHD medications can make symptoms worse if the child actually is Bipolar.
    **Note: Hypomanic symptoms are the same as manic ones, but their intensity and the degree to which they disrupt a persons life is less than that of mania.

    People often mistake simple mania for psychotic behavior. This is a crucial mistake. As you can see in the symptoms above, most people in a manic episode are hyper and possibly annoying, but very rarely dangerous to others. Psychosis, on the other hand is a generic term indicating that a person’s thought and perception are severely impaired sometimes referred to as a “loss of contact with reality”. During a psychotic episode, people may experience hallucinations, delusional beliefs (e.g., paranoid delusions), demonstrate personality changes and exhibit disorganized thinking. The person in a psychotic episode lacks insight into the unusual or bizarre nature of such behavior, and has difficulties with social interaction and impairments in carrying out the activities of daily living.

    Again, people with psychotic disorders are often misunderstood. We center on television shows like “Criminal Minds” and think that psychosis=danger. This is rarely true. Although their behavior may be bizarre, they, like the person in the manic episode, are usually more of a threat to themselves (i.e. because they fear their food is contaminated so they won’t eat or think they are All-Powerful and antagonize the wrong person and get into a bar-room brawl). If you are dealing with someone in a psychotic episode, it is vital to remember that their reality is not yours (and may never be). Just like the child who truly believes there are monsters under his bed, it is futile to try to convince them that their hallucinations are not there or their delusions are “crazy.” Instead, help them solve what they perceive as the problem. At the very least, make them understand that you “believe” them and you will try to help them with their problem as they see it.

    The depressive side of Bipolar disorder is often the most dangerous for people, and for law enforcement. Since people with Bipolar disorder experience such extremes of mood, their depression can quickly plummet to the level of suicide or suicide-by-cop.

    Between 30% and 60% of people with Bipolar disorder also have a substance abuse disorder and patients with bipolar are notorious for not taking their medications. (Why? Because although the lows are really low, the highs are incredible—some would say addictive and the side effects of some medications are less than appealing.)

    What does this mean for you? Well, probably more often than not the people you interact with who are substance abusers and “acting out” have a bipolar diagnosis or some other mental health diagnosis. Additionally, the medication they are taking (of failing to take) may interact with any substances they are taking which makes neither produce the anticipated effect. Finally, although they are usually not dangerous, the impulsivity and agitation inherent in a manic or hypomanic episode may lead them to make poor decisions or act “hinky” which could easily make you feel threatened. In the throes of a depressive episode, they may also intentionally act to provoke you. It is important to remember, that many—most—people with Bipolar Disorder or Cyclothymia never come into contact with the police. The persons you encounter often are the most severe. Be careful but compassionate. Bipolar disorders are very treatable, but require a combination of medication and lifestyle changes.

    Bipolar Self-Assessment
    http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/bipolar/howtotell/selftest.cfm
    http://www.dbsalliance.org/questionnaire/screening_intro.asp

    CEUs for professionals

    Understanding the Impact of Irrational Thoughts

    Anger, anxiety, guilt, regret and worry are all perfectly normal emotions.  They are our mind’s way of telling us that something is wrong and we need to get off our keesters to fix it.  As I have said many times before, we only have a limited amount of energy to stay healthy, age gracefully and live happily.  It is up to you to choose how you spend that energy.

    “Okay,” you say, “that is great and all, but HOW do I choose to not be miserable?”  Well, the first thing is to look at your irrational thoughts.  Life is 10% reality and 90% what we make of it.  Unfortunately, many people grow up learning irrational ways of thinking and negative ways of viewing the world. 

    Characteristics of Irrational Thoughts

    1. Irrational thoughts are inflexible or “must-abatory thinking”  Things must be just so.  There are very few things in life we must do.  I am about as rigid and inflexible as they come, I have learned that flexibility makes life a whole lot easier. 
      1. Get a stack of index cards. 
      2. One each card, write down one thing you feel you “must” do. Low and behold, you will often find that there are not enough hours in an 8-day week to get it all done.
      3. Prioritize the cards in order of what is the most important.
      4. Flip the cards over and write modifications to make the “musts” more flexible.  For example, one of my musts is exercising.  Long ago I was very rigid about exercising between 9 and 11 every single morning and had a very strict routine of what I did.  As I had children, got a job etc.,  I quickly stopped being able to adhere as rigidly to that “must.”  Other “musts” like caring for my kids and not getting fired moved up on the priority list.  Nevertheless, I am a much nicer person if I get out my aggression at the gym, so on the back of the card, I would write alternatives like, workout at home, mow the lawn (a push mower and 2/3 of an acre gets out a lot of aggression), get up at 5 and go on a run etc.  All these alternatives still let me accomplish the “must” of exercising, but provided me some flexibility.
    2. Irrational thoughts place unrealistic expectations on yourself or others and/or  are non-self-accepting and/or fail to accept human fallibility.  This one is harder, because most of us have difficulty identifying what “unrealistic” is.  Further, what is unrealistic for you might not be unrealistic for me and vice versa.  It is always helpful to ask someone else’s opinion of what is “realistic.”  This goes for quantity and type of work as well as expectations for perfection.  Life is much easier if you have realistic expectations of yourself and others and accept (and anticipate) that people make mistakes.
    3. Irrational thoughts demonstrate over-concern with others' opinion of yourself.  If you find yourself getting all wrapped up in trying to get someone’s approval, ask yourself, “Why do I need his/her approval?”  Many times it is helpful to differentiate between “like” and “respect.”  Okay, ideally your boss and co-workers will like and respect you, but will it have a major impact on your life if they don’t?  If they respect your work and know you do a good job, do you really care if they want to be your friend?  People who need to be needed and must be liked often are exhausted trying to please everyone else and forget to take care of themselves.
    4. Irrational thoughts also assume your authority or superiority over others. This reminds me of a joke, How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?  Answer: Only one, but it has to want to change. . . HarHarHar…I have said it before and will say it again, you cannot change another person.  If you get caught in the trap of thinking that someone will change for you, you will be disappointed.  When people change for anyone else but themselves, the change is only short-lived.  This type of thinking also leads to conflict with others who also see themselves as the center of the universe.  Both of you cannot be the center of the universe and, chances are, neither one of you is right all the time.  You may indeed be right.  Some people may be stupid, nevertheless, sometimes we all have to be subordinate to people who are wrong or ignorant.
    5. Irrational thoughts assume a clear-cut difference between right and wrong and that you have the ability to always accurately differentiate between the two.  In reality, there are few clear cut answers.  I tell my patients that they need to evaluate their decisions based on head-heart and gut honesty.  If your head, heart and gut all are okay with the decision, it is probably a good one.  What does that mean?  Well, ask yourself, does this seem to make sense (intellectual/head honesty), can I live with this decision (heart honesty) and does it feel right or turn my stomach (gut honesty).
    6. Irrational thoughts place you at the center of the universe.  People get all upset when they make a mistake or say the wrong thing. Get over yourself! You are not going to be in control all of the time, and the things you do and say are not really that memorable.  Even some of the biggest faux pas only get you ribbed for a few weeks.  Then there is something new to grab people’s attention.
    7. Irrational thoughts over-estimate your right to a trouble-free life and under-estimate your ability to cope with adversity. If you can view problems as challenges placed in your path to help you grow, it tends to take the edge off things.  Many challenges are too great to cope with alone.  The most effective people are able to realize when they need help or support from others.

    In sum, we all have irrational thoughts. When you start to feel angry, anxious or guilt-ridden, review the list above to see which statements best describe the thought patterns that are making you unhappy. Ask yourself: “What am I getting upset about?”  “What thoughts/beliefs/self-talk do I have that are supporting my misery?”  “Are these thoughts/beliefs/self-statements rational, productive and helpful?”  If they are not, replace them with more realistic thoughts/beliefs/self-statements.  Finally, remember that dwelling in negative emotions is just going to make you sick.  Anger, anxiety and guilt are meant to make you take action, so get going!